Opened since: 12 October 2007 Active since: 2007 Last Updated: 28 October 2009
hits (and counting!) since 25 Oct '09.
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I believe in miracles, and I'm currently
living in my sweet fourteen.
Fifteen candles on 3 November '10.
Hongsters, Retards and Godsiblings are the most important people in my life.
When it comes to love, I'm that little girl who believes in fairytales.
I believe in taking leaps of faith, I always take risks,
and 迷路兵 is the fuel for my soul.
This skin is proudly designed and coded by Mrs.Chuck Bass, with a lil' help of Exquisite♥ with the basecodes. Many thanks to the oh-so-awesome blogskinner, Yours-Tragically, as well, for the inspirations. The adorable pixels are from various Japanese web material sites, mainly Lovelycore and Lovecandied.
and if you're feeling like i'm feeling, this is dedicated to you.
Monday, November 9 at 8:43 PM
Made adjustments to my blogskin. Hope you guys like the new skin. Admittedly my old one was nicer but this one is bug-free. (Especially that annoying font issue. -.-)
Went out today with Retards for my belatedbelatedbelated birthday celebration.
AMK Hub > Dhoby Ghaut ZoneX > Plaza Sing > Heartland Mall CD-Rama > Home
Had fun with them! They always make me smile. Love them ttm! :D
Thanks for the birthday gifts and the cake, y'all! Though Clarine's cake wasn't quite what she expected (private joke), I appreciate the thought. (:
Thanks for the Etude House nail polish, nail crystals and chio nail file, A. Thanks for the white chocolate and chio necklace, C. Thanks for the pocket Bible, cute piggybank and touching, wordy card, J.
Love y'all! Remember our to-do list. We still have to go watch planes at Changi Airport, play Twister, have a sleep marathon, go to the board game cafe and a few more which I forgot.
Retards F4 Fat Kingdom 万岁！
when will this day come?
at 12:23 AM
I'll be thankful for the day when I finally don't have to wait until everyone is asleep before crying alone in the middle of the night for a couple of hours before heading for bed at 2+ or even 3+ in the morning.
I pray for the day when I can wake up at 11 due to having slept at 3 after crying the night before instead of having to drag myself out of bed at 8am by that fucking bitch to do work.
I wish the day will finally come when I don't have to cry alone in my room every night into my pillow. I have to cry alone, I can't call anyone because I fear that they'll wake up and find me.
I yearn for the day when I don't wake up with puffy eyes from last night's cryfest.
I long for the day I don't have to fear, the day when I can stop holding everything inside.
I just wish I could stop crying every night
I don't know why. The minute they open their mouths, I feel so frustrated and I feel the tears behind my eyes. And I have to hold it inside, suppress it, until the light across the aisle has been turned off (usually around one a.m), when I cry for hours and hours.
I wish that someday, somebody can just pinch me and tell me it was all a nightmare.
But it's not, for the tears are real. The nightly migraines are real. The puffy eyes are real. And the depression doesn't fade away.
---
What happened to the person you used to be? Why did you change?
I'd give anything to have the old you back again - the you before I changed, the you before you turned into a total female Chihwahwa.
I'd give anything for your words to stop making me cry.
---
Someone please pinch me right now, and tell me these two years, especially these two months, were all nightmares.
time for change.
Sunday, November 8 at 10:37 PM
Changed skin. Not much time or mood to do anything else, sorry guys.
Skin is super problematic. But will fix it when I'm free. Far too lazy to settle the image coding problems now.
I am dead tired now. My neck is going to break, I swear. Omg.
Out with Retards tomorrow, hopefully. Going to watch My Girlfriend Is An Agent and take neoprints and eat! (:
Haih. My neck hurts. I should not have stayed up till 3.30 last night. I am dying.
less than a fairytale.
at 12:29 AM
Not seeing you is easy Not missing you is easy
Getting over you was easy, For you were nothing but a scumbag.
It's the part about fearing that I'll have to see you And wondering what I have to say I want to ignore you But I fear you'll tell me things and break my heart again.
I want to shy away from you But I tell myself that I'm already over you. Maybe now, now I am, because I don't see you, because I haven't seen you. But what will happen when I pluck up my courage and face you?
I plucked up my courage to tell you once, hoping, wishing, praying that things would be different. They were - but not in the way I wanted.
Do I still even have courage to pluck up anymore?
And it hurts, knowing that I bared my heart and soul for you to see, and all you did was probably to laugh and close the window.
Do you know how much I wanted it?
Do you know how many heartbreaks I went through? More than the number of relationships I've had, by a few times.
Do you know how much pain I went through again and again, time after time.
And now my battered heart still can't stop loving.
And I fear you. I don't know how to face you. I'm embarrassed everytime I think of you and what I did?
Things were never supposed to be like this.
I wanted them to be different.
fuck you very much.
Friday, November 6 at 2:26 PM
Gtg soon.
All I can say is,
My mother is a fucking bitch.
Her son uses the computer the WHOLE day, she never whine. Now she come and KP with me.
Fuckshit la.
Why, of all the mothers in this world, did I have to get this mother?
I hate her. With all my heart. I will never love her. I never have. I hate her.
Thank God I'm moving out in 4 years. Whether she likes it or not.
960 and counting.
at 12:00 PM
Haven't been songwriting much lately, completely lost my lyricist edge. Just for entertainment's sake, here's a song I wrote some time back called Walk Away. Or at least, the first chorus + first and second verse. I don't quite like everything else after that.
don't go, don't leave, you're begging me,
but i'm wiping the tears on my sleeve. but you should know by now, baby, that our love was never a maybe. how could you ever think that i would leave you?
stay with me, don't go away, you say.
my life without you is nothing but grey.
but you should know by now, boy,
that you brought me the greatest joy.
how could i ever leave your side?
how can i bear to leave you when i can't walk away? i love you too much to walk away without a backward glance leaving you is the hard but knowing that i have to walk away is harder for i love you too much to walk away.
Not exactly a very good chorus. The song itself isn't very good compared to my better works like Only One and Hey Miss Lonely. But I like the concept behind the song and what inspired me to write it, so I'm holding on to it (:
I can't emphasize this enough. FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER, PEOPLE!!!! I'm super active on Twitter, and it's become more of a diary to me than my blog is.
i love you too much to walk away.
Hahahahaha.
i love you.
Thursday, November 5 at 8:35 PM
This is dedicated to you, and only to you, because I know you won't be reading this, and there are already a number of my posts dedicated to you. So one more will never make a difference.
I want someone to love me, someone who's just like you. Because you're everything I've ever wanted, I realise that now.
When I first fell in love with you I found it funny, for you didn't meet a single one of my criteria for a boyfriend, and you were completely different from the other 5 guys I'd dated previously.
But now, I realise, you're everything I've ever wanted. Now my criteria has changed, and the only person who can check off every single box is you.
So I want someone exactly like you to love me. And I will love him back. Because now I realise, that all that I've ever wanted in a boyfriend can all be found in you.
What a pity, isn't it? I'll keep comparing other guys to you, because to me, you're nothing short of perfect. And it's really a pity that I'll never in my life ever earn your love, because I'm sure there's no other man I'll regard as perfect for me as you.
---
Got this from someone's blog. And I think it's meaningful. Not just for me and you, but for every other relationship I've been through.
Once you love someone, you will never forget them.
Even if it's been months, years, decades..
You might forget the things that they said, but you'll never forget how the things they said made you feel.
You may even forget the way they look..
But you'll never forget their laughter, their smiles, their tears and all the things that made them who they really are.
Once you love someone, you can never go back to just being normal friends.
You'll definitely miss them, even if they've let you down before, even if you tell yourself not to.
Because love, like a form of energy, it never disappears or goes away..
It is simply transferred on to someone or something else, or sometimes, just kept away.
Once you give your heart to someone, you can never take it back.
Because even if you break up and move on, he'll still have a piece of you forever, that you gave him to keep.
Once you say goodbye to someone you love, your life will never be the same again.
Because at the very end, you always think of the beginning.
---
I love you.
I do. Maybe not as much as I used to, but I get a feeling that I'll always love you.
After all, you were the first one I loved - my first love.
My 非常に最初の愛.
迷路兵 MI-LU-BING! *SCREAMS!*
at 6:07 PM
*screams*
*screams*
*screams*
MLB's first new single was played on 933FM yesterday at noon!~ Didn't listen to it, cuz' I was still on the plane, but I heard the recording.
Third album SOON! *screams like a mad fangirl*
HAHAHAHA. NIC IS STILL HOT. AND HE LOOKS HOT EVEN WITH HIS SPECS BACK AFTER THEY MADE AN ABSENCE IN THE SECOND ALBUM!
Anyway, for those who are interested, their new single's called 吃下宇宙. You can download the recording here if you want. *screams*
I'm happy already. Very, very happy. 迷路兵 makes me happier than any other celebrity, even Jiro Wang or Kim Bum, can. Considering I already love Jiro Wang a LOT, that's saying something. (:
迷路兵 puts me on this absolutely unspeakable high. Just reading news about them, or watching one of their old MVs (esp. with Nic staring at the camera with those grey contact-lensed-eyes in the 成熟 and 世界麻烦借过一下 MVs), or re-listening to their album (esp. Nic's husky vocals on Breathe) makes me so, so, so, so happy.
迷路兵 FTW! Changing the Mandopop world, one amazing album at a time.
hey miss lonely, stop waiting for the ring of that unused ringtone hey miss lonely, stop staring at your phone. that same old picture just makes you feel more alone.
I need someone to love, to hug, to tell me I'm special. Someone I can call every night, someone who kisses me and silences me to make me feel better when I'm complaining about my troubles.
I want someone who tells me I'm the most special girl in the world, and believes it. Someone whom I can bring out the best in, and who brings out the best in me.
Someone who will make me feel less lonely.
you came along and showed me where i belong.
at 10:24 AM
One of my favourite songs of all time (Favourite song back in P5), though it's kinda old. (Released on Kelly's Breakaway album) This is the Final Fantasy video. Enjoy. (:
You found me. Thank you.
your smile made me smile.
Wednesday, November 4 at 10:21 PM
Hi you guys.
Just got back from Guangzhou at about 4pm today?
I'm sorry, I am in a total moodless slump. I don't even know what to do. I hope this feeling goes away soon, cuz' I totally have no mood to blog at all.
Thanks for the birthday wishes y'all. Cheered me up a little. (:
THANK YOU SO MUCH. (L)
Via Facebook: Huining Er Jie (L), Kemin, Shzeyuin Idiot, Arffah, Melvyn, Kirthana, Khengyin, Ms Kaur (OMG can't believe she remembered. Love her so much. (:), Jessica, Melissa Jie, Mandy, Charmaine Chio Jie, Joyce Ting, Gillian, Joel Kor, Kevin, Dawn Swine, Nicholas Chong, Eric and Cara.
Via Tagbox: Afrah Miss Chio. (L)
Via Text: Yeejun Darling, Wenhui Aunt, Huining Er Jie (L), Yiyun Da Jie (L), Alfred, Clarine Qinaide (L), Jerilene Jellybean (L), Elliot Womanizer, Afrah Miss Chio (L), Hongxuan, Cindy Byotch, Gina Aiai, Audrey, Rachel Girlf.
Via Blog: ELEANOR HONGSTER. (L)(L)(L)
Let me know if I missed out anyone yeah? (:
Overall, those closer to me wished me via text. Got back and saw my phone flooded with messages, lying on the floor from all the vibrating. It must've dropped off from its perch under my pillow when all the mass vibrating started yesterday.
Huining Er Jie was so sweet la. She wished me on Facebook and via text. And Hongsters and her were all super amazing. Next day O levels and they still stayed up past midnight to blog and text me and Facebook me. Afrah was amazing. Her message made me cry, I was so touched. Love her TTM!
Super touched. This is a vast improvement from last year's 5 messages. (x.x)
However, this does not erase the fact that my brother, father and my mother all forgot it was my birthday. And my mother was even worse. She spent my entire birthday scolding me for NO REASON.
So seeing all the texts and wishes today cheered me up considerably.
Thanks for thinking of me, y'all. Very touched by the small gesture of wishing me a happy birthday.
And thanks again, for I believe that it's the thought that counts. A small thought makes me very happy.
Maybe it's because I always have to think of other people, but nobody seems to think of me....
Shoutout to Shuwei for helping me clear my head! Thanks yeah. LOVE YOU! (L) You're always there in my most dire straits and am always willing to listen, even though we aren't close friends. Thanks so much for helping me clear the mess. I love talking to you about a lot of issues, because you share a lot of similar thoughts and views on love, friendship and life as I do. So thank you. (:
Peaceout.
it's something about a future love.
Saturday, October 31 at 5:35 AM
Hey y'all!
Blogging at budget terminal now while waiting for my 6.20 flight to open their boarding gates.
Looking at the people with their laptops at the Internet Zone (one of which is my very own brother and his laptop. -.-) only fuels my desire for a laptop of my own.
Oh, bytheway, Mum found out about the dye job. I'm absolutely lousy. Yesterday dye today kena found out already. This is why I can never get a tattoo or a tongue piercing until I graduate from nchs.
But I absolutely blame the lighting in the budget terminal! The lighting is absolutely atrocious la, I swear. It's so damn bright and so damn white. Just standing in the terminal, all my brown is revealed. -.- It's the lighting. I know it is. Cuz' in daylight my hair still looks its normal colour. Except that due to the harsh terminal lighting my hair looks browner than it is.
Anyway, on another note, if I'd known she'd be this easygoing about the dye job (she flipped - did three back flips and eight cartwheels when I got my cartilages pierced in September. ) I would've dyed my hair a much more obvious colour. Like Garnier's Golden Brown. Or something else other than chocolate brown.
But I don't think the colour's supposed to be this light. After all, I only used half the bottle of the product. If I'd known she'd just ask me where I dyed it (home), how I did it (myself) and to tell her next time I would've used the entire bottle. Or maybe even used the Hoyu beigish-pink dye that Sugarhoneyicedtea dared me to dye with. Except that according to Elliot, the colour doesn't turn out pink on hair. It turns out light mocha brown. -.-
I'm still sore about the dye job and how not obvious it is. Maybe I'll re-do it in a month's time, but using a more obvious Garnier colour?
We'll see.
Meanwhile, hair dye jobs aside, my birthday's in three more days. Next Tuesday. However, I'll be in Guangzhou on that day. BUTBUTBUT, I've not brought my phone with me. In fact, I've left it on my bed under my pillow still connected to the charger, so I expect birthday texts!
LOL. No la. It's the thought that counts. (:
I am so frigging tired. It is no joke to wake up at 3.45 and leave the house at 4.20am. I swear, my puffy eyes look like fungus is growing under my eyes. Cannot stand it. Oh well, on the bright side, I have four whole hours to sleep on the flight to cheena!
Hahahahahaha. I need to go look for Gwyn now. I promised I'd take care of her, and I know she's around here somewhere...
Ciaoooooooooooooo beautiful people! See you on the 4th!
dynamite.
Friday, October 30 at 5:58 PM
Last day of school today. Thus, I've got a post for this wonderful beloved class that I will definitely miss.
Look at the word classroom.
Okay, now take away the word "class" from that word.
What do you get?
Room.
Isn't that an epic description of what a classroom is?
It's just a portion of partitioned off space separated from other spaces by a mere four walls. And yet, it's our second home for a good 10 months.
Without the class, the classroom is just a room. An empty, lifeless room. The class creates the memories, specifies the purpose of the room.
The room I want to talk about today is located on the second floor of Nan Chiau High School, in the block directly opposite the D&T block (Forgot what block it is), the third classroom down the corridor if you come up by the spiral staircase. The one with the plaque reading "2D" on the wall outside.
It's just a simple space, with fourty slate-grey tables and hard plastic chairs. As lifeless as a room could possibly get.
And yet, it's the home of so many memories. So many tears, so much laughter, and so much love.
A classroom without the class is just a room.
---
My relationship with 2D can be described as how one would view a lover one never thought they would fall in love with.
I started off in Sec1 hating 1D with all my heart. To me, it kinda felt like the way you would feel towards an arranged marriage when you already have a passionate lover. A fresh graduate from 604, I resented every part of 1D. To me, I wanted to be in another class. A more bonded class. A class like 1E. But yet I was forced to stay in 1D, but I resented it.
Slowly, as I got more familiar with my classmates, I began to see 1D as the friend I hated at first but slowly saw more and more and more good points in.
Leaving 1D was easy. Of course it was, when you return in 2 months' time to a different classroom and familiar friendly faces.
2D was never as torturing to me as 1D was. I started off the new year this year with the same attitude as one treats a friend just introduced to you at a party - neutral.
I began to get to know this stranger better over time. However, there were always other strangers I wanted to be friends with, other classes I wanted to be in. I was never happy with knowing this stranger.
Slowly, though, one began to fall in love with this stranger. Seeing it's qualities and flaws, hating its flaws and loving the virtues. However, one could never be truly happy with it, for it had flaws - many of them. I began to want to be with other people, be in other classes.
As the year came to a close and term 4 bid us hello, I found myself deep in love with this no longer stranger, now a friend. I found myself loving, caring and wanting.
Though, like human beings, 2D has its many flaws, and up till now I've always wished to be in another class, but I've grown to love 2D for what it is. I've accepted the way it is, and started actually enjoying myself in the atmosphere of this class.
---
To my beloved 2Dynamites:
Remember the dynamite cheer in Sec1? Remember the many arguments we had? Remember all the times we witnessed Sicong lose his temper, the times Jason lost his temper, the times I shouted so loud the entire class turned to glare at me?
Remember the class chalet? Shines in Harmony? Every single examination?
730 days as a class, and I'm sure not a single one of us enjoyed all 730 days. But what matters is not the number of days, but the memories.
Precious memories. Each one of them extremely close to my heart.
2D'09 is irreplaceable in my heart. It'll always have a special place as the class I have a love-hate affair with.
No matter what classes we go next year, we'll be safe and sound in the knowledge that we had a great time in 2D this year. And that this year has been full of ups and downs, laughter and tears, but I'm sure we all enjoyed the ride.
It's been a roller-coaster ride with you all. A 730-day long one. We board the coaster as strangers, maybe a few pairs of friends, but through screaming during all the high loops and being calm together and anticipating/dreading the next high loop during the low coasting sections, we got to know one another on this roller-coaster.
Right now, the ride has come to an end. We can't stay on the coaster forever because other people have to get on it. We have to leave the ride and head towards other rides. Newly formed cliques may head to the next ride together, though some may decide not to stick together and instead head to different rides.
Though after this roller-coaster, some of us may choose to board the toboggan, or play with the bumper cars, or maybe even go on a peaceful boat ride, but we'll always have the memories of the roller-coaster etched in our minds and hearts. The next ride will leave new memories that will be hard to forget, but we won't forget the people on the roller-coaster. After all, we've shared so many loops-the-loops and high bends and low dips that it almost feels like we're a family, doesn't it?
All the very best to each and every one of you. This is my first farewell message. It's pretty general. I'll do another one another day when I have photos. This one's gonna be for every single person in class.
All the best to you all, no matter where you go and what you do. Always remember that you were once a dynamite. And once a dynamite, always a dynamite. (:
With love, Janelle. ♥
---
finito.
ignorance is your new best friend.
Thursday, October 29 at 9:08 PM
Don't wish to blog about today. Except after school today Sugarhoneyicedtea and I ponned the stupid Learning Journey to the museum and went to Compass together. I love Sugarhoneyicedtea :D
Had fun with her! She pei-ed me to Popular, and spent a good 10minutes deciding whether to buy the 360 page notebook or the 400 page notebook. Then spent a good 5 minutes looking at 0.38 pens and another 5 minutes looking for other 4B pencil leads other than the one that cost $2.40.
After that went to Watsons with the intention of looking at hair dye for me to buy tomorrow to dye my hair. Digressed for 10 minutes looking at all the make-up counters and playing with the Canmake sponge eyeshadows and looking at Majolica Majorca glittery blue nail polish. Eventually headed over to the hair colour aisle, and saw that the Liese one I had originally intended to buy cost $19.90. Eventually decided on the Hoyu hair colour cuz' it only cost $9.90. xP
Digressed a bit more, then I invited Sugarhoney to my place. Decided to go get food. But it was tough considering we only had $5 between the both of us. Went down to the Cold Storage Japanese food fair, but everything was too expensive. Eventually decided to head to Cold Storage itself to 'shop'.
On the way to Cold Storage, digressed into the Guardian in the basement. Saw that the Hoyu hair colour that was retailing at $9.90 in Watsons retailed at $12.90 in Guardian. -.-
Spent 20 minutes in Cold Storage shopping for food like aunties! Eventually bought two cups of cup noodles, a pack of chips, and a box of Pretz. HAHAHA. Just within our budget.
MRT-ed and bused home. Played guitar, talked, crapped, listened to 987FM.
I don't regret not going to the museum, not after spending so much fun time with that mad girl! :D
TTYL. Off to start packing luggage for Guangzhou trip this Saturday (:
that's right, rub it in my face.
taylor swift re-release.
Wednesday, October 28 at 10:46 PM
Intended to post this just now but got caught up by the view counter. -.-
Taylor Swift's Fearless album re-release!
It was released yesterday. Should have hit CD-RAMA stores by now (:
There are 6 new songs on the album (technically, only 5 are new.): Jump Then Fall, Untouchable, Forever & Always (Piano Version),Come In With the Rain, SuperStar and The Other Side of the Door.
Haven't heard it yet, but if you want to hear them please drop a comment or text or tag and I'll upload videos (:
Clarine is a counter spammer (:
information.
love me or hate me, either way you're still talkin' about me.
Call me Janelle, and it's pronounced as Juh-nehl intead of following the spelling. But I don't mind if you pronounce it wrongly as long as I know it's me you're referring to :D
Alternative names are 思颖 (Chinese), Han Jin Hee (Korean), or 炸鸟/炸鸟蛋 (Nicknames).
I blow out 15 candles on 3 November 2010, and I'll be content with a happy birthday. Hongsters and Retards F4 Fat Kingdom are extremely important to me.
I'm obstinate, liberal, loud, a troublemaker and opinionated, so if you think I'm a bitch I don't really care.
I'm also extremely sensitive, emotional, disorganized, a major procrastinor and a pessimist. But hey, I definitely have my blonde moments too! Definitely a loyal fan of local band 迷路兵. I'm a pretty good listener, but do I need someone to listen to me cry sometimes. Sentimental songwriters and romantic lyrics turn me on.
A shopaholic and a major spendthrift. Well, which girl isn't? I also crave attention and affection, but I don't get it most of the time. I'm in love with Nicodemus Lee of 迷路兵, photography, and anything to do with words.
And that's all you'll ever need to know.
wishlist.
Love. Happiness. Him. A happy birthday.
Carrie Underwood's Play On album. Milubing 3rd album. Full TheBodyShop pastel collection nail polish. Baby pink 320GB hard drive.
Double cartilage piercing. Repierce left cartilage. Double tragus piercing. Tongue piercing. Star tattoo on wrist. Full house (9) right-ear piercings. Pink Vaio W/White Vaio P. Sony 12.2 megapixel camera. 32GB iTouch. Upgrade iTouch to 3.0 OS. Lose weight. Finish All Because of You Succesfully publish novel(s).
and if you're feeling like i'm feeling, this is dedicated to you.
Monday, November 9 at 8:43 PM
Made adjustments to my blogskin. Hope you guys like the new skin. Admittedly my old one was nicer but this one is bug-free. (Especially that annoying font issue. -.-)
Went out today with Retards for my belatedbelatedbelated birthday celebration.
AMK Hub > Dhoby Ghaut ZoneX > Plaza Sing > Heartland Mall CD-Rama > Home
Had fun with them! They always make me smile. Love them ttm! :D
Thanks for the birthday gifts and the cake, y'all! Though Clarine's cake wasn't quite what she expected (private joke), I appreciate the thought. (:
Thanks for the Etude House nail polish, nail crystals and chio nail file, A. Thanks for the white chocolate and chio necklace, C. Thanks for the pocket Bible, cute piggybank and touching, wordy card, J.
Love y'all! Remember our to-do list. We still have to go watch planes at Changi Airport, play Twister, have a sleep marathon, go to the board game cafe and a few more which I forgot.
Retards F4 Fat Kingdom 万岁！
when will this day come?
at 12:23 AM
I'll be thankful for the day when I finally don't have to wait until everyone is asleep before crying alone in the middle of the night for a couple of hours before heading for bed at 2+ or even 3+ in the morning.
I pray for the day when I can wake up at 11 due to having slept at 3 after crying the night before instead of having to drag myself out of bed at 8am by that fucking bitch to do work.
I wish the day will finally come when I don't have to cry alone in my room every night into my pillow. I have to cry alone, I can't call anyone because I fear that they'll wake up and find me.
I yearn for the day when I don't wake up with puffy eyes from last night's cryfest.
I long for the day I don't have to fear, the day when I can stop holding everything inside.
I just wish I could stop crying every night
I don't know why. The minute they open their mouths, I feel so frustrated and I feel the tears behind my eyes. And I have to hold it inside, suppress it, until the light across the aisle has been turned off (usually around one a.m), when I cry for hours and hours.
I wish that someday, somebody can just pinch me and tell me it was all a nightmare.
But it's not, for the tears are real. The nightly migraines are real. The puffy eyes are real. And the depression doesn't fade away.
---
What happened to the person you used to be? Why did you change?
I'd give anything to have the old you back again - the you before I changed, the you before you turned into a total female Chihwahwa.
I'd give anything for your words to stop making me cry.
---
Someone please pinch me right now, and tell me these two years, especially these two months, were all nightmares.
time for change.
Sunday, November 8 at 10:37 PM
Changed skin. Not much time or mood to do anything else, sorry guys.
Skin is super problematic. But will fix it when I'm free. Far too lazy to settle the image coding problems now.
I am dead tired now. My neck is going to break, I swear. Omg.
Out with Retards tomorrow, hopefully. Going to watch My Girlfriend Is An Agent and take neoprints and eat! (:
Haih. My neck hurts. I should not have stayed up till 3.30 last night. I am dying.
less than a fairytale.
at 12:29 AM
Not seeing you is easy Not missing you is easy
Getting over you was easy, For you were nothing but a scumbag.
It's the part about fearing that I'll have to see you And wondering what I have to say I want to ignore you But I fear you'll tell me things and break my heart again.
I want to shy away from you But I tell myself that I'm already over you. Maybe now, now I am, because I don't see you, because I haven't seen you. But what will happen when I pluck up my courage and face you?
I plucked up my courage to tell you once, hoping, wishing, praying that things would be different. They were - but not in the way I wanted.
Do I still even have courage to pluck up anymore?
And it hurts, knowing that I bared my heart and soul for you to see, and all you did was probably to laugh and close the window.
Do you know how much I wanted it?
Do you know how many heartbreaks I went through? More than the number of relationships I've had, by a few times.
Do you know how much pain I went through again and again, time after time.
And now my battered heart still can't stop loving.
And I fear you. I don't know how to face you. I'm embarrassed everytime I think of you and what I did?
Things were never supposed to be like this.
I wanted them to be different.
fuck you very much.
Friday, November 6 at 2:26 PM
Gtg soon.
All I can say is,
My mother is a fucking bitch.
Her son uses the computer the WHOLE day, she never whine. Now she come and KP with me.
Fuckshit la.
Why, of all the mothers in this world, did I have to get this mother?
I hate her. With all my heart. I will never love her. I never have. I hate her.
Thank God I'm moving out in 4 years. Whether she likes it or not.
960 and counting.
at 12:00 PM
Haven't been songwriting much lately, completely lost my lyricist edge. Just for entertainment's sake, here's a song I wrote some time back called Walk Away. Or at least, the first chorus + first and second verse. I don't quite like everything else after that.
don't go, don't leave, you're begging me,
but i'm wiping the tears on my sleeve. but you should know by now, baby, that our love was never a maybe. how could you ever think that i would leave you?
stay with me, don't go away, you say.
my life without you is nothing but grey.
but you should know by now, boy,
that you brought me the greatest joy.
how could i ever leave your side?
how can i bear to leave you when i can't walk away? i love you too much to walk away without a backward glance leaving you is the hard but knowing that i have to walk away is harder for i love you too much to walk away.
Not exactly a very good chorus. The song itself isn't very good compared to my better works like Only One and Hey Miss Lonely. But I like the concept behind the song and what inspired me to write it, so I'm holding on to it (:
I can't emphasize this enough. FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER, PEOPLE!!!! I'm super active on Twitter, and it's become more of a diary to me than my blog is.
i love you too much to walk away.
Hahahahaha.
i love you.
Thursday, November 5 at 8:35 PM
This is dedicated to you, and only to you, because I know you won't be reading this, and there are already a number of my posts dedicated to you. So one more will never make a difference.
I want someone to love me, someone who's just like you. Because you're everything I've ever wanted, I realise that now.
When I first fell in love with you I found it funny, for you didn't meet a single one of my criteria for a boyfriend, and you were completely different from the other 5 guys I'd dated previously.
But now, I realise, you're everything I've ever wanted. Now my criteria has changed, and the only person who can check off every single box is you.
So I want someone exactly like you to love me. And I will love him back. Because now I realise, that all that I've ever wanted in a boyfriend can all be found in you.
What a pity, isn't it? I'll keep comparing other guys to you, because to me, you're nothing short of perfect. And it's really a pity that I'll never in my life ever earn your love, because I'm sure there's no other man I'll regard as perfect for me as you.
---
Got this from someone's blog. And I think it's meaningful. Not just for me and you, but for every other relationship I've been through.
Once you love someone, you will never forget them.
Even if it's been months, years, decades..
You might forget the things that they said, but you'll never forget how the things they said made you feel.
You may even forget the way they look..
But you'll never forget their laughter, their smiles, their tears and all the things that made them who they really are.
Once you love someone, you can never go back to just being normal friends.
You'll definitely miss them, even if they've let you down before, even if you tell yourself not to.
Because love, like a form of energy, it never disappears or goes away..
It is simply transferred on to someone or something else, or sometimes, just kept away.
Once you give your heart to someone, you can never take it back.
Because even if you break up and move on, he'll still have a piece of you forever, that you gave him to keep.
Once you say goodbye to someone you love, your life will never be the same again.
Because at the very end, you always think of the beginning.
---
I love you.
I do. Maybe not as much as I used to, but I get a feeling that I'll always love you.
After all, you were the first one I loved - my first love.
My 非常に最初の愛.
迷路兵 MI-LU-BING! *SCREAMS!*
at 6:07 PM
*screams*
*screams*
*screams*
MLB's first new single was played on 933FM yesterday at noon!~ Didn't listen to it, cuz' I was still on the plane, but I heard the recording.
Third album SOON! *screams like a mad fangirl*
HAHAHAHA. NIC IS STILL HOT. AND HE LOOKS HOT EVEN WITH HIS SPECS BACK AFTER THEY MADE AN ABSENCE IN THE SECOND ALBUM!
Anyway, for those who are interested, their new single's called 吃下宇宙. You can download the recording here if you want. *screams*
I'm happy already. Very, very happy. 迷路兵 makes me happier than any other celebrity, even Jiro Wang or Kim Bum, can. Considering I already love Jiro Wang a LOT, that's saying something. (:
迷路兵 puts me on this absolutely unspeakable high. Just reading news about them, or watching one of their old MVs (esp. with Nic staring at the camera with those grey contact-lensed-eyes in the 成熟 and 世界麻烦借过一下 MVs), or re-listening to their album (esp. Nic's husky vocals on Breathe) makes me so, so, so, so happy.
迷路兵 FTW! Changing the Mandopop world, one amazing album at a time.
hey miss lonely, stop waiting for the ring of that unused ringtone hey miss lonely, stop staring at your phone. that same old picture just makes you feel more alone.
I need someone to love, to hug, to tell me I'm special. Someone I can call every night, someone who kisses me and silences me to make me feel better when I'm complaining about my troubles.
I want someone who tells me I'm the most special girl in the world, and believes it. Someone whom I can bring out the best in, and who brings out the best in me.
Someone who will make me feel less lonely.
you came along and showed me where i belong.
at 10:24 AM
One of my favourite songs of all time (Favourite song back in P5), though it's kinda old. (Released on Kelly's Breakaway album) This is the Final Fantasy video. Enjoy. (:
You found me. Thank you.
your smile made me smile.
Wednesday, November 4 at 10:21 PM
Hi you guys.
Just got back from Guangzhou at about 4pm today?
I'm sorry, I am in a total moodless slump. I don't even know what to do. I hope this feeling goes away soon, cuz' I totally have no mood to blog at all.
Thanks for the birthday wishes y'all. Cheered me up a little. (:
THANK YOU SO MUCH. (L)
Via Facebook: Huining Er Jie (L), Kemin, Shzeyuin Idiot, Arffah, Melvyn, Kirthana, Khengyin, Ms Kaur (OMG can't believe she remembered. Love her so much. (:), Jessica, Melissa Jie, Mandy, Charmaine Chio Jie, Joyce Ting, Gillian, Joel Kor, Kevin, Dawn Swine, Nicholas Chong, Eric and Cara.
Via Tagbox: Afrah Miss Chio. (L)
Via Text: Yeejun Darling, Wenhui Aunt, Huining Er Jie (L), Yiyun Da Jie (L), Alfred, Clarine Qinaide (L), Jerilene Jellybean (L), Elliot Womanizer, Afrah Miss Chio (L), Hongxuan, Cindy Byotch, Gina Aiai, Audrey, Rachel Girlf.
Via Blog: ELEANOR HONGSTER. (L)(L)(L)
Let me know if I missed out anyone yeah? (:
Overall, those closer to me wished me via text. Got back and saw my phone flooded with messages, lying on the floor from all the vibrating. It must've dropped off from its perch under my pillow when all the mass vibrating started yesterday.
Huining Er Jie was so sweet la. She wished me on Facebook and via text. And Hongsters and her were all super amazing. Next day O levels and they still stayed up past midnight to blog and text me and Facebook me. Afrah was amazing. Her message made me cry, I was so touched. Love her TTM!
Super touched. This is a vast improvement from last year's 5 messages. (x.x)
However, this does not erase the fact that my brother, father and my mother all forgot it was my birthday. And my mother was even worse. She spent my entire birthday scolding me for NO REASON.
So seeing all the texts and wishes today cheered me up considerably.
Thanks for thinking of me, y'all. Very touched by the small gesture of wishing me a happy birthday.
And thanks again, for I believe that it's the thought that counts. A small thought makes me very happy.
Maybe it's because I always have to think of other people, but nobody seems to think of me....
Shoutout to Shuwei for helping me clear my head! Thanks yeah. LOVE YOU! (L) You're always there in my most dire straits and am always willing to listen, even though we aren't close friends. Thanks so much for helping me clear the mess. I love talking to you about a lot of issues, because you share a lot of similar thoughts and views on love, friendship and life as I do. So thank you. (:
Peaceout.
it's something about a future love.
Saturday, October 31 at 5:35 AM
Hey y'all!
Blogging at budget terminal now while waiting for my 6.20 flight to open their boarding gates.
Looking at the people with their laptops at the Internet Zone (one of which is my very own brother and his laptop. -.-) only fuels my desire for a laptop of my own.
Oh, bytheway, Mum found out about the dye job. I'm absolutely lousy. Yesterday dye today kena found out already. This is why I can never get a tattoo or a tongue piercing until I graduate from nchs.
But I absolutely blame the lighting in the budget terminal! The lighting is absolutely atrocious la, I swear. It's so damn bright and so damn white. Just standing in the terminal, all my brown is revealed. -.- It's the lighting. I know it is. Cuz' in daylight my hair still looks its normal colour. Except that due to the harsh terminal lighting my hair looks browner than it is.
Anyway, on another note, if I'd known she'd be this easygoing about the dye job (she flipped - did three back flips and eight cartwheels when I got my cartilages pierced in September. ) I would've dyed my hair a much more obvious colour. Like Garnier's Golden Brown. Or something else other than chocolate brown.
But I don't think the colour's supposed to be this light. After all, I only used half the bottle of the product. If I'd known she'd just ask me where I dyed it (home), how I did it (myself) and to tell her next time I would've used the entire bottle. Or maybe even used the Hoyu beigish-pink dye that Sugarhoneyicedtea dared me to dye with. Except that according to Elliot, the colour doesn't turn out pink on hair. It turns out light mocha brown. -.-
I'm still sore about the dye job and how not obvious it is. Maybe I'll re-do it in a month's time, but using a more obvious Garnier colour?
We'll see.
Meanwhile, hair dye jobs aside, my birthday's in three more days. Next Tuesday. However, I'll be in Guangzhou on that day. BUTBUTBUT, I've not brought my phone with me. In fact, I've left it on my bed under my pillow still connected to the charger, so I expect birthday texts!
LOL. No la. It's the thought that counts. (:
I am so frigging tired. It is no joke to wake up at 3.45 and leave the house at 4.20am. I swear, my puffy eyes look like fungus is growing under my eyes. Cannot stand it. Oh well, on the bright side, I have four whole hours to sleep on the flight to cheena!
Hahahahahaha. I need to go look for Gwyn now. I promised I'd take care of her, and I know she's around here somewhere...
Ciaoooooooooooooo beautiful people! See you on the 4th!
dynamite.
Friday, October 30 at 5:58 PM
Last day of school today. Thus, I've got a post for this wonderful beloved class that I will definitely miss.
Look at the word classroom.
Okay, now take away the word "class" from that word.
What do you get?
Room.
Isn't that an epic description of what a classroom is?
It's just a portion of partitioned off space separated from other spaces by a mere four walls. And yet, it's our second home for a good 10 months.
Without the class, the classroom is just a room. An empty, lifeless room. The class creates the memories, specifies the purpose of the room.
The room I want to talk about today is located on the second floor of Nan Chiau High School, in the block directly opposite the D&T block (Forgot what block it is), the third classroom down the corridor if you come up by the spiral staircase. The one with the plaque reading "2D" on the wall outside.
It's just a simple space, with fourty slate-grey tables and hard plastic chairs. As lifeless as a room could possibly get.
And yet, it's the home of so many memories. So many tears, so much laughter, and so much love.
A classroom without the class is just a room.
---
My relationship with 2D can be described as how one would view a lover one never thought they would fall in love with.
I started off in Sec1 hating 1D with all my heart. To me, it kinda felt like the way you would feel towards an arranged marriage when you already have a passionate lover. A fresh graduate from 604, I resented every part of 1D. To me, I wanted to be in another class. A more bonded class. A class like 1E. But yet I was forced to stay in 1D, but I resented it.
Slowly, as I got more familiar with my classmates, I began to see 1D as the friend I hated at first but slowly saw more and more and more good points in.
Leaving 1D was easy. Of course it was, when you return in 2 months' time to a different classroom and familiar friendly faces.
2D was never as torturing to me as 1D was. I started off the new year this year with the same attitude as one treats a friend just introduced to you at a party - neutral.
I began to get to know this stranger better over time. However, there were always other strangers I wanted to be friends with, other classes I wanted to be in. I was never happy with knowing this stranger.
Slowly, though, one began to fall in love with this stranger. Seeing it's qualities and flaws, hating its flaws and loving the virtues. However, one could never be truly happy with it, for it had flaws - many of them. I began to want to be with other people, be in other classes.
As the year came to a close and term 4 bid us hello, I found myself deep in love with this no longer stranger, now a friend. I found myself loving, caring and wanting.
Though, like human beings, 2D has its many flaws, and up till now I've always wished to be in another class, but I've grown to love 2D for what it is. I've accepted the way it is, and started actually enjoying myself in the atmosphere of this class.
---
To my beloved 2Dynamites:
Remember the dynamite cheer in Sec1? Remember the many arguments we had? Remember all the times we witnessed Sicong lose his temper, the times Jason lost his temper, the times I shouted so loud the entire class turned to glare at me?
Remember the class chalet? Shines in Harmony? Every single examination?
730 days as a class, and I'm sure not a single one of us enjoyed all 730 days. But what matters is not the number of days, but the memories.
Precious memories. Each one of them extremely close to my heart.
2D'09 is irreplaceable in my heart. It'll always have a special place as the class I have a love-hate affair with.
No matter what classes we go next year, we'll be safe and sound in the knowledge that we had a great time in 2D this year. And that this year has been full of ups and downs, laughter and tears, but I'm sure we all enjoyed the ride.
It's been a roller-coaster ride with you all. A 730-day long one. We board the coaster as strangers, maybe a few pairs of friends, but through screaming during all the high loops and being calm together and anticipating/dreading the next high loop during the low coasting sections, we got to know one another on this roller-coaster.
Right now, the ride has come to an end. We can't stay on the coaster forever because other people have to get on it. We have to leave the ride and head towards other rides. Newly formed cliques may head to the next ride together, though some may decide not to stick together and instead head to different rides.
Though after this roller-coaster, some of us may choose to board the toboggan, or play with the bumper cars, or maybe even go on a peaceful boat ride, but we'll always have the memories of the roller-coaster etched in our minds and hearts. The next ride will leave new memories that will be hard to forget, but we won't forget the people on the roller-coaster. After all, we've shared so many loops-the-loops and high bends and low dips that it almost feels like we're a family, doesn't it?
All the very best to each and every one of you. This is my first farewell message. It's pretty general. I'll do another one another day when I have photos. This one's gonna be for every single person in class.
All the best to you all, no matter where you go and what you do. Always remember that you were once a dynamite. And once a dynamite, always a dynamite. (:
With love, Janelle. ♥
---
finito.
ignorance is your new best friend.
Thursday, October 29 at 9:08 PM
Don't wish to blog about today. Except after school today Sugarhoneyicedtea and I ponned the stupid Learning Journey to the museum and went to Compass together. I love Sugarhoneyicedtea :D
Had fun with her! She pei-ed me to Popular, and spent a good 10minutes deciding whether to buy the 360 page notebook or the 400 page notebook. Then spent a good 5 minutes looking at 0.38 pens and another 5 minutes looking for other 4B pencil leads other than the one that cost $2.40.
After that went to Watsons with the intention of looking at hair dye for me to buy tomorrow to dye my hair. Digressed for 10 minutes looking at all the make-up counters and playing with the Canmake sponge eyeshadows and looking at Majolica Majorca glittery blue nail polish. Eventually headed over to the hair colour aisle, and saw that the Liese one I had originally intended to buy cost $19.90. Eventually decided on the Hoyu hair colour cuz' it only cost $9.90. xP
Digressed a bit more, then I invited Sugarhoney to my place. Decided to go get food. But it was tough considering we only had $5 between the both of us. Went down to the Cold Storage Japanese food fair, but everything was too expensive. Eventually decided to head to Cold Storage itself to 'shop'.
On the way to Cold Storage, digressed into the Guardian in the basement. Saw that the Hoyu hair colour that was retailing at $9.90 in Watsons retailed at $12.90 in Guardian. -.-
Spent 20 minutes in Cold Storage shopping for food like aunties! Eventually bought two cups of cup noodles, a pack of chips, and a box of Pretz. HAHAHA. Just within our budget.
MRT-ed and bused home. Played guitar, talked, crapped, listened to 987FM.
I don't regret not going to the museum, not after spending so much fun time with that mad girl! :D
TTYL. Off to start packing luggage for Guangzhou trip this Saturday (:
that's right, rub it in my face.
taylor swift re-release.
Wednesday, October 28 at 10:46 PM
Intended to post this just now but got caught up by the view counter. -.-
Taylor Swift's Fearless album re-release!
It was released yesterday. Should have hit CD-RAMA stores by now (:
There are 6 new songs on the album (technically, only 5 are new.): Jump Then Fall, Untouchable, Forever & Always (Piano Version),Come In With the Rain, SuperStar and The Other Side of the Door.
Haven't heard it yet, but if you want to hear them please drop a comment or text or tag and I'll upload videos (:
Opened since: 12 October 2007
October 2007
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Monday, November 9 at 8:43 PM
MLB's first new single was played on 933FM yesterday at noon!~
Love.
Double cartilage piercing.
Monday, November 9 at 8:43 PM